So, I have to race home after dropping Spanish materials off at Stanford for Cheryl and Bonnie. I finally get home at quarter to six, barely enough time to shower, dry hair and get dressed. I literally jumped into the shower. I was in and out in five minutes flat. Mom would be impressed. So I barely get my hair dry when he calls and he's downstairs. So, I go down to meet him and he's at building 35, looking around for me. I did forget to tell him there were two buildings. So, we come upstairs and I get out my bowl of blueberries and another of carrots. He asks for some water and I pour myself some cranberry juice. Deep breath.
So, we start out with introductions and basic phrases that he would be able to use in class. We go over the alphabet because he should learn how to pronounce everything by sight. Reading is important. And he should learn how it sounds if I say it in class. He really did want to ask all his questions in German, which was hard at times. But if that's his goal then I'll help him. So throughout the lesson, yes it was fun to look at him. Of course, he is very adorable and sexy. But it was nice to have time after the lesson to talk to him in English. He's an interesting kid and it would be nice to get to know him. But of course, I get all nervous as he's leaving because I want to ask him out for coffee.
So, I'm standing at the door and he's about to turn and leave. Ok, here's our conversation as I remember it:
"Oh, Charles." He turns around. I'm looking everywhere but him. "I don't want to be too forward, but would you like to have coffee with me sometime?"
"Yeah, sure. I mean, I don't drink coffee, but..."
"You know what I mean..."
"Yeah... no, that sounds good."
"Cool, um, so we'll go out." Weird look on his face. He lets a breath out. "Oh, no didn't mean that. I mean, we'll go out and have coffee together. Whenever. I didn't mean we'll go out, go out. Just um have some coffee." Me completely red. "God, I'm completely red aren't I? Sorry, I don't ask that of guys often. Me the teacher isn't really me normally, so... but yeah, we'll have coffee."
"Yeah... coffee. No, it would be nice to hang around with someone... The people in the Marina are just like - yeah, so I work in this auction house.. blah...blah."
"So they're snobs. And you don't like them?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, I'm "normal". Whatever normal is." We laugh. "Yeah, because I'm almost 24, in May, and it's nice to find someone my age who isn't a total idiot. I've never met anyone with an engineering degree, so it sounds interesting."
"So, cool... Um, I'll see you later."
"Yeah, Thursday."
I close the door and relive my embarassing moment. It was horrific in my mind, but I guess I saved it. Of course I will continue to obsess about it and I'll probably apologize to him next time I see him. I'm forcing myself not to call him today, so that I don't seem like a complete fool. I can't believe it sounded like I was asking him out. I mean, maybe my voice did have a slight tone of that question. But I really didn't mean to ask him that question. I should have just stopped talking after asking him for coffee. God, I am a huge idiot and will feel like an even bigger idiot if he's weird around me now. I pray that's not true. I hate that and it's happened before. Although, not quite like this. I bet I was bright red.
I have to stop thinking about this. Luckily he wasn't in my dreams. Or that moment wasn't in my dreams. I would be fucking paranoid by now. Fuck it, I am paranoid. Why do I do this? I'm so unworthy.