My dreams are not pleasant by any standard. It's night time and everyone seems to be scowling. Their faces are melting into puddles of wax; the crunching sound of bones breaking. Somewhere amidst a thick forest is something I need. But I don't know what it is. Something inside me tingles and sways as I run through the tall trees. I can't stop running. That thing is closer and closer, but I never find it. My arms reach out to touch something in the darkness, but the air is cold, attacking my fingers. The same shivering sensation, only now I am running from something. Those melted faces and broken feet are coming after me. I can feel my own feet beneath me, shattering what sounds like glass, but I don't feel any pain. Up ahead is a thin beam of light, brighter than the moon. I turn my head to see how far back the faces are, and when I whip my head back around, the light is gone. I slow down, knowing I've missed my chance. At what, though? At what?
When I awake, my arms are asleep. They were lying over my head and I strain to pull them to my sides. One is successful, but the other hits Kyle in the head. He squirms underneath my limp appendage, finally cracking his eyes open. He doesn't say anything, but moves my arm and curls up next to me. It's still dark, but I can't fall asleep again. I recall the forest and realize there was a smell to the faces as well. They smelled like burned toast, their black smoky wisps of breath invading my space.
December arrives. A line has been crossed; the point of no return. Violent winds bang tree branches against my window. Only the wet darkness of the trees keeps the horizon alive. Everywhere there is snow and ice, the cold winds leaving patches of danger along the sidewalks. The world outside can't invade my room, though. I've built up walls of resistance since Jasmine went into the hospital. Moist snow on the wind taunts me; seducing me into opening the window and letting it into my body. But my skin grows warmer with every touch of Kyle's hand. I am a stone of immense strength. A boulder sitting pretty high above the clouds on a mountain top. My sheer size is enough to scare other rocks into submission around me, if stones had social standings.
Bobby, however, becomes more shaky every day. I try holding his hand, in the hopes of transferring some of my unexpected strength. But to no avail. His eyes today are like deep pools of water with no reflection of the sun. He hasn't been sleeping. I can tell by the dark circles under his eyes.
"You have to start sleeping, Bobby." His eyes dart around at the motion of students in the cafe. "I know pills aren't the best, but if it'll work..." At the word pills, Bobby's eyes settle on my face.
"No, I don't need any pills." He sighs out and runs his fingers over his scalp, his hair springing back into form after they leave. "If Jas would just get better, then maybe I could sleep. I don't understand why they're keeping her in the hospital. It's been two days already."
"Well, maybe there's something we don't know about her. We don't even know what type of pills she took. That's why they called her parents." Bobby shuffles his feet under the table and leans back in his chair.
"Professor Rooney was talking about a case this morning. A girl overdosed, they pumped her stomach, etcetera. After the drugs were out of her system, she became majorly depressed. She didn't want to get out of the bed, eventually suffering from bed sores because of her inactivity. She stayed there for years, only getting up to take a piss. Meanwhile, the doctors were trying out some experimental new form of anti-depressant. Her parents decided to give it a try since their daughter was overtly hostile towards them. She said they made her into this vegetable. I think she might have been slightly paranoid. Anyway, the drug made her sick and she developed pneumonia and died. She spent six years in a hospital with almost nobody for company." Although Bobby's face wrinkles in anticipation of tears, none come. I can tell he's scared for her.
"Bobby... that's not Jasmine. We know her. She's stronger than that. And her parents aren't vindictive like that, they love her. I met them once." Bobby's eyebrows arch higher. A small lie to provide him welcome rest. "Yeah, they seemed really sweet. I think they knew about Jas and her behavior, but they definitely didn't seem overly protective or ashamed because of it. They'll take care of her. I just know it."
"Really?" His voice cracks and he seems to sit up straighter for a moment.
At the cafe entrance, the door swings open from the gust of wind as someone enters. A dancing circle of snow flurries pushes its way into the cafe. Its floating presence lingers until the door is hurriedly closed, falling to the floor in a dying gesture. Bobby and I both shiver from the burst of cold air that now reaches our corner of the cafe.
"We should go. You have class in fifteen minutes." Bobby grimaces, but we both put on our coats and gloves and head for the door. Now its our turn to keep the snow from entering. Bobby opens the door a sliver, fitting through with no problem. I grab the door and try to squeeze through, but have to open the door a little wider to fit. I can barely move through the doorway as a blast of cold fury bears down on me. The door swings all the way open and I manage to get both feet outside. One hand is still holding the side of the doorframe. I hear a shuffle of feet and feel the door being closed behind me. I try to move my hand away in time, but the door moves quicker. The heavy doorknob smashes down on my knuckles. I yelp, falling forward after letting go of the doorway and Bobby turns around. He gets there a little too late and I hit the ground hard.
In between cold and warm, my arms are shocked. I can feel the cold entering my jacket through the sleeves. My elbow seems locked in its straight position and a signal of pain travels slowly from my wrist to my shoulder. Bobby helps pull me up, getting me on my feet. I cradle my wrist against my body, hoping the pain will go away. We walk slowly towards my car, Bobby taking the keys from me as we climb in.
"I'm sorry Ang, but I have to drop you off at home and I'll bring the car back. It's not that bad, is it?"
"No, it's not that bad." For now, it isn't. But a growing feeling leads me to think that this is not over.
I ride the elevator up to my floor, pausing slightly in front of Jasmine's door. I unlock my own door, feeling my body warm up and my wrist aching. As I step inside, the pain grows. I take off my jacket, shoes and gloves. Suddenly, the pain leaves me doubling over. The cold has not yet left my head and it takes me a second to remember the aspirin in my bathroom. I quickly walk to the cabinet, desperately trying to open the childproof top. I struggle, placing the tiny bottle between my thighs and cranking the top open with any energy left in my good arm. I shudder, realizing my right wrist has been compromised. No wonder I'm having difficulty! I finally manage to get the top off, the pills spilling over the bathroom tiles. I kneel and take three into my mouth, gulping them down.
I look down at my wrist, now light purple and swollen. Fuck. I can feel beads of sweat gathering on my forehead. I rise to my feet, take myself to my bed and reach for the phone. I dial and it rings instantly, but no one answers. God damn, Kyle! I slam the phone down and immediately regret it. The motion from doing so has reverberated through my upper torso and now my wrist hurts even more so. Fucking genius Angela! Ok, think. You need to wrap it up. Pressure is good. I grab some clean socks from my drawer, wrapping them tightly. They manage to stay put, as long as I keep pulling on the toe that's left unwrapped. The sharp pain starts to subside. Not easily, but my head is more clear. I take deep breaths, knowing I shouldn't hyperventilate. I lie down on my bed, drag a pillow onto my stomach and rest my wrist upon it.
This hurts almost as badly as when I broke my wrist from ice skating. That pain, my first broken bone, was immense to me. I thought my whole hand would fall off. This is duller by comparison, but still very painful. Maybe a sprain, maybe even broken. The only way to know is if I can move my wrist. But I'm not going to try that right now. I lie there, waiting for the pills to kick in. Three aspirin won't do much good, but it buys me time. Hopefully with those pills and this pressure, I can try calling Kyle again and he can take me to the hospital.
This week is turning out to be a hospital soap opera. I don't know how I'll react to going back into the hospital. Sneaking in to see Jasmine wasn't the nightmare I had thought, but nothing ever happens in a day. There's so much to Jasmine that I don't know. And yet I call her my friend. Who was that guy standing in the hallway? I've never seen him before. Was he the one with her when I needed my black dress? They certainly seemed friendly with each other. And he was partly naked. And Jasmine had been naked. But why was she halfway out the door? If she really overdosed, why did it look like she was leaving her apartment? Naked? None of this makes any sense to me and I close my eyes. I try to let my own body's healing powers help the aspirin by breathing calmly and deeply.
Soon, images of the scary forest are upon my eyelids. It still smells bad, the faces slowly burning away. Skin along hairlines resemble peeling sunburns. Chapped and broken skin around purple lips. As things seem to be burning around me, a light snow starts to fall. The wind picks up and howls. The howls grow in volume, sweeping around me in rapid circles. As the wind turns in my direction, blowing right through my body, a high-pitched howl screams in my ear. My eyes jolt open. The phone is ringing. I'm close enough to reach over and grab it.
"Hello?"
"Oh hi, Ang. I was just calling to see what you were up to."
"Jake?"
"Yeah, wow. Did I wake you up? I'm really sorry." I cough a little, my voice regaining energy.
"Yeah, it's ok. I needed to wake up. Actually, can you do me a favor?"
"Um, sure... Are you ok?"
"No, I'm not. I think my wrist is broken or sprained or something." Jake swears softly. "Yeah, it's not as painful now, but I need some help. Do you have a car?"
"Uh, no. But my roommate does. Maybe he can come along and drive us." The idea is somewhat embarassing, but I have to see a doctor soon. My socks won't do any good in an hour. Maybe less than that.
"Yeah, fine, whatever. Please, just come over and pick me up? The door's open. I'll need some help with my jacket and stuff." God, Jake's going to see me lying like this. He's going to see my room. My eyes dart around, trying to see any revealing items. Thank God I cleaned yesterday!
"Ok, we'll be there in five." Jake's voice sounds almost hopeful. Maybe he'll enjoy helping out a damsel in distress. Jake always did seem the romantic type, quiet and reserved. For a second, I panic. How did he get my number? He's never called before! I never gave it to him! Did I? Then I remember the art department's directory. They handed them out to all the majors this semester. I shake my head. Man, I'm paranoid!
A couple moments later, Jake is opening the door slowly, knocking on the door as he does.
"Ang?" He peers his head around the door and sees me on my bed. His eyebrows jump up on his forehead and he bites his lower lip. "Wow. Yep, you need to go to the hospital." His eyes are looking directly at my wrist. I glance down the length of my body to look as well. It's even more swollen and purple, the socks having fallen open from my lack of applied pressure.
"Shit." Jake smiles, grabbing my jacket and shoes by my dresser. He throws them on my bed and begins to sit me up. He gently takes the pillow from under my wrist, pushing my legs to the edge of the bed. I do the rest, sitting upright for the first time in... How long have I been lying there?
"It's ok. I'll take care of you." His voice's tenderness doesn't register at first. My mind is trying to get my shoes on and standing up. The pain is now very dull when compared to when I first lied down. If it is broken, I don't want to do any more damage. Jake wraps my jacket around me, my wrist resting under my breasts. He leads me out my door, closing it behind us. In the elevator, Jake runs a hand down my back, a gentle and calming gesture which catches me off guard. I remember his words inside my apartment. Tender, gentle, caring. Sure, he's helping me to the hospital. Why shouldn't he be these things? But something about it leaves my stomach fluttering. And I can't tell whether it's a good or bad feeling.
His roommate sits behind the steering wheel, grinning slightly when I climb in. The drive to the hospital is silent. I manage to sit still the whole time, concentrating on my wrist. Jake seems to be concentrating as well. His roommate is the only one who sits relaxed and untouched by this strange, stifled air of concern in the car. We park, Jake opening the door for me. When I get out, Jake is standing a little too close. I look up at him, really seeing him. His dark blond hair is fine and silky, soft curve of a jaw, dark brown eyes that stare into my core. There's something powerful inside those eyes of his. I shiver, not knowing whether it's the cold or what lies behind his stare. Jake pulls back, taking my elbow as we walk towards the hospital doors.
I silently thank Jake for his physical guiding. The doors still look like a giant mouth and I consider letting it rip into my thin flesh. There's almost nobody in the waiting room and the nurse has a doctor see to me in less than five minutes. Jake turns the ends of his lips up in a fake grin. I stare back into his eyes, hoping he'll wait for me.
The nurse and doctor lead me into a small room across from the nurse's station. They ask the requisite abuse questions. Of course, Jake brought me in, so did he do this to me? No, of course not. I fell outside of a cafe earlier today. How long ago? I can't remember. It was before eleven, since that's when Bobby's class started. Three hours. Three hours? I was in my bedroom that long? They take my blood pressure and listen to my heartbeat. Good. The doctor examines my wrist with cold, clinical fingers. I wince at a couple of his circular presses, his fingertips searching for something to cause me pain. I am lead to the X-ray room, several pictures taken of my swollen wrist. It looks dead, an appendage from my forest of corpses rather than a part of my own body.
"Well..." The doctor's voice sounding far away as he studies the X-rays. "It's not a severe break. You can hardly see it. See here? There's the break, that slight line ...right there. We'll wrap you up in a cast and give you some painkillers. I don't think it'll take long for you to recover from this. It's mostly bruising and a slight sprain as well. That shouldn't last longer than a week. The break will recover longer after that, but probably not more than a month." His eyes barely reach past his nose as he looks over at me. My wrist however gets preferential treatment, as he wraps an elastic bandage around my wrist. A standard gray wrist guard comes on after that. He adds another strap to it, leaving me no room for movement.
As I leave with my new accessories, I find Jake still sitting in the waiting room. His face is pleasantly surprised when he see the wrist guard. Before he can be relieved, I speak.
"It is broken." His face drops slightly, but picks up again.
"Well, at least you don't have to have a big plaster cast. Those things are awkward." His eyes move from my eyes to my wrist to some other location, his smile is shy. He's nervous. I think back to his call.
"Why did you call me today, Jake?" I can't help myself. He swallows and his smile fades.
"I..uh... I guess I wanted to... um... Gregory's waiting outside. We should get you back home. I'm sure Kyle will want to know about this." He starts for the doors.
"What makes you think he doesn't know already?"
"He's your boyfriend, right? I mean, If I were.... He would be here with you instead of me, right?"
Jake laughs off the moment and I walk with him to Gregory's car. I shake off any thoughts about Jake as we drive back to my apartment. Jake wants to help me upstairs, but I'm ok. He stays put, eagerly watching me walk inside the building. I catch a glimpse of him as they drive away. His shoulders were slumped forward, a slight frown. I force myself to turn around and go to my room.