After a weekend of many ups and downs, I think I've hit the bottom of the barrel. I realized I am still not over failing my MA exam. Since that experience, I've had an incredible fear of failure - even if I always put expectations on myself to succeed, it's gotten worse in the last six months.
I now have less than two weeks to completely finish my independent study project. It's bringing back all those feelings of insecurity and failure from both last May and December. Not to mention the fact that I've been pushing myself socially lately, which has taken a toll on my body physically. You don't get mono-like viral infections if you've been a good-girl homebody, right?
Not that I completely regret all my social tendencies lately. Mi has certainly been a plus. Although, I have to admit I need to watch myself. I do not want him to become my downward spiral.
Last night was definitely not my best night, especially with him. I've made some mistakes, but not to the effect that I've ruined whatever it is we are at the moment. At least I hope not. I hope we keep on that track of becoming good friends. I think he has the inkling that I need to take care of my shit right now. And that I might have just been having a bad run the last few days. He's a big boy and can understand when someone's having a rough time.
On top of all this, my iPod and camera were supposedly stolen last night at Kate's. So, yeah... I feel fantastic right now. And it really is up to me to fix everything. Fuck.