It was hot and now it's not so hot. And tonight. Kickball.
Saturday wasn't a great night, but one thing did happen that got me thinking. Something effected me. Big time. 'Twas highly philosophical, regarding self-identity and the desire for homogeny, or your lack thereof. Apparently, as individuals, that which is different to us, in intriguing. That which is the same is comforting, which is why couples usually have to be personality-compatible in order to last a long time. But the intriguing exotic.... That's what fires us up. And we're not talking sexuality specifically. (We were at a gay bar discussing this with a flaming homo.) No, this was about life goals, personal habits, personality quirks, cultural heritage, etc.
My question was slightly devil's advocate:
What if homogeny intrigues you?
Gay boy's response:
Then you obviously don't know yourself as well as you thought. If you know who you are as a person, then you'd be able to identify between what is the same and what is different.
Hmmmm.... Liz's overanalytical brain was in overdrive Sunday due to this comment. I won't get into what was going on inside my head. Mostly because it's far too difficult to put into words that someone other than myself would understand. But you can see how that might put me in a tizzy. I've been a bit insecure since my MA exams last spring. And if I believed in therapy for this kind of crisis, I'm sure we could trace back my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity to when I started the MA program back in 2005.
Needless to say, my brain got warped by a philosophical flamer. M called him an asshat. For my sanity at the moment, I agree. But in the long run, I do need to work through some stuff. Maybe start to rebuild myself.
In the meantime, I plan on kicking some ass by kicking a ball. I also plan on being a better friend to everyone I know. And possibly also writing more. I'm sure I'll turn out just fine when I grow up.