How do you ask someone something that you have no idea how to ask? Or that you have no courage to ask? God, that's difficult. In most situations, I have giant balls. And I am able to make a fool of myself for a phone number, or date, or whatever. But in the same way I am scared shitless to do karaoke, I just can't seem to ask for what I want. Sometimes.
All the trivial shit is easy to ask for, because it's trivial. I will not feel any different if he doesn't want to have dinner with me. I won't feel rejected if he thinks I'm strange for having told him to join us at the bar. OK, I'm human - I may feel slight twinges of something for a moment. But it's not the end of everything. Because it's life and you are going to get hurt and rejected and chewed up and spit out - at least a few times. But you keep doing it because you'll also be loved and hugged and kissed and smiled at as well.
But why is it that I can't ask for the big stuff?
Is it just me? Am I the only one who can't express in words the questions and emotions that haunt my mind? Am I alone in not being able to identify whatever it is that pools itself up in my chest and sits in my veins, waiting to be shouted?
I hope not.