It has most definitely been a time of change. I've done a lot of thinking lately, mostly because it's winter and people tend to stay indoors more often. And when you stay indoors that often, you think differently. You're influenced by different parts of nature, you use different senses. Over-thinking was never a weakness of mine, it's more of a worried strength actually. Winter kinda sucks that way - the brain becomes the "sense" I use the most.
I need to find a new job by February. I haven't exactly been actively looking, but I should be. I'm not looking forward to the 40 hours a week, starting at 8am, come January. But it's money. Money that I won't have anymore if I don't get my act into gear and find another job. But how do you find another job when this job is the one you want to keep hold of?
I need to write more. I have been writing. I just haven't been able to put it all together. I've got ideas for short stories, but they aren't really being written the way I want to write them. And I am a believer in the story writing itself. As the author, obviously you have a specific and unique perspective of the story and how it should play out. But when I write, it's not always calculated. Is that genius? Is that the magical spark of genuine creativity? I'm not so sure. Calculated works just as well sometimes. I will say that it feels good to be writing again. Spontaneously and organically being able to express what's in your head through your fingers is not something I take for granted. I respect my own talent for what it is and I know it's worth something. It's nice to have that feeling back in my life. I didn't have that feeling for a long time. Doubt can be useful, but not if you let it marinate in your head. My goal is to hold on to that feeling of worth for a while.
Oh, and I'm accomplishing something gigantic this holiday season. Christmas cards. Me and stationary haven't always gotten along. But I'm kicking my own ass about it this year. Yep.... self-worth here I come...
So, because of the job search and the overuse of my brain for thinking purposes during the colder months, and the fact that it's just a body pillow at night to curl up against, I might not get that writing blog idea up and running as soon as I thought. I am working on the writing though! So, maybe I'm making baby steps.